Basking

All my thoughts, politics, school, money, facebook, every thought I have turns to Erick, and I love that.

I was reading a article about President Obama's plans for the year, from there I began to think about Erick voting for the first time this year, us celebrating on the phone together when Obama was elected and Erick and I watching together as Barack Obama became President of the US.

I was looking at one of my courses online a few minutes ago and I remembered the technology problems I had with my site two days ago and talking to Erick listening to his expertes. He's so smart and kind...I love him so much.Wow see what I mean, everything leads to me swooning over my love.

I was thinking about the money I have in my account and then I started wondering if I had enough to buy the flight to be with Erick for Spring Break now, or should I wait on it. I began thinking about if I have enough to get Erick gifts and spoil him like he spoils me.

I logged on to facebook and one of my friends was bragging about the numbers she got this last weekend and I smiled thinking I'm so glad I have my love, I'm past childish games, in true meaningful and lasting love!

Erick makes me so happy. Hearing his voice makes me giddy, seeing him causes me to swoon and being in the safety of his arms I melt.

Winter break part 2

On New Year's day Erick and I were lazy most of the day and then went to my parent's house to play games and eat. We hung out there for a couple of hours, Erick met some people I've known forever. After most people leave we played train dominos, which I'm usually terrible at but this time I did while, and only cheated a little! We left sleepily and spent more time together.

On that friday we went to the First Friday art galleries, it was small and we were both hungry so we didn't stay long. We ran into the person that introduced us and disapproved there, in a very smug way I'm glad Erick and I were there together over 6 months into a loving relationship she didn't think would happen at all (not to mention looking hot)! Take that! hehe. We left First Friday after not being there too long to get some food. We got steak, yum...I love steak (so long as there is A1 sauce!) at outback and then went to the movies together. A wonderful date night!

That monday was going to be Erick first day back at work after two glorious weeks off. Around 2:30am I woke-up doubled over in pain. I flipped and flopped around on the bed. I paced around the room. I went to the bathroom. Laid down in the bathroom. Anything to stop the pain!! Around 4am Erick woke-up and asked me what was wrong. I really didn't want to wake him...he needed to go to work, I thought, so I was planning on waiting until 6am to call my dad (who didn't have work) and have him take in to the hospital. Poor Erick, he was just wanted to help and I was groochy and mean. Just before 6am I called my parents then Erick and I set off for their house (because I left all my ID and everything in Denton, I needed them to prove my identity). As soon as Erick and I arrived at my parents house my parents had me get in there car and we went to the ER. I only had to wait about 20 mins. and I was in a room, hooked up to an IV and on some happy painkillers!

I was at the ER for about 4 hours I left two IV bags, and one cat scan later. I had kidney stones paired with a kidney infection. My parernts took me back to their house to relax for a while. That afternoon I went home to Erick and apologized for my jerkiness in the morning. Erick ended up missing work that day to be there when I got back and to keep updated while I was in the hosptial. I went to bed freakishly early that night and slept most of the next day too. Kidney stones are no fun, dispite what you've heard.

The next few days I got to run a greet Erick when he got home! Jump into his arms and cuddle with him at night. All and all the winter break was wonderful, I could of done without the kidney infection and stones but, still a great visit home! I look forward to when I don't have to leave home again.

Stop expecting perfection

My wonderful boyfriend shared insight with me that is helping me see that if I don't say something when I thought it, or say the wrong thing and miss the "perfect" opportunity to make it better, I can still improve things. Improving relationships with others and being happy with myself does not have a schedule, no matter what I have thought in the past. So often I have let fights go out of control because I messed up, said the wrong thing and somehow, couldn't see how to fix it. I just need to back up my thoughts and actions, breath and see I can still fix this. I can be "better then my mistakes" which I so often think I am not, because if I can learn and actualize that there is no perfect way or time to act or speak up then I will see the options other then fighting. What a glorious thought, there is no schedule to improve things--if I miss what my mind dims the "perfect" chance, all is NOT lost...I can change things for the better.

I feel like a load has been lifted, Erick unknowingly lifted years of missed chances, big and small off my back. I said things I didn't mean and I can fix them still. I am better then my mistakes. I have felt so down on myself, feeling like I had nothing to offer but my negative traits, but if I can fix my worst moments in time, the meanest things I've said then I must be more then my mistakes...I'm striving to improve. I'm a work in progress.

After getting off the phone with Erick, I thought about missed chances or things I could still improve. My brother and I have not been speaking to each other and though I know the reasons behind our current situation are not all my fault, I know I said mean things, yelled and cussed at my brother that did not help improve anything. I sent a text to my brother to apology for my role in this fight but also informed him that I was not ready to speak to him. He accepted my apology and then wrote how not talking to me hurts more. I know talking to him now would not be good for either of us. I'm glad I made my peace with my role in this all and hope to one day to make peace with the pain he caused me.

Erick unknowingly has helped me view life differently. There are no time limits to say something nice or take back hurtful things. Now my addition to Erick's words is to also not have expectations in others. I apologized to my brother, he did not apology back but maybe he needs more time, maybe he doesn't see his mistakes. No matter his reasons, though his words deeply affected me, I can get pass them by not basing my worth on what he said or thinks about me. I can't expect someone to know what I know just because, I know it (confusing?). I mean, I know I can fix the past now, but if my brother can not see that for whatever reasons, I can let go and not give in to frustration.

I'm learning that I can grow from mistakes and improve in the future by giving up the idea that I can't fix something right after I say something and that if I miss my chance to be kind in my mind, I need to realize the "chance to be kind" was in my mind, and do or say kind things at that moment. This blog may not make sense to anyone else but it really has helped me. So often I expect myself to say the right things at the right times, if I miss this "right" chances, I give up. Not anymore. Life does not have to be overwhelming. I just need to breath and remember to stop expecting perfection and fix mistakes when I see them.

Wow!

Thank you so much My love!

My winter break part 1

The break started out with Erick picking me up after my last final and driving me, not to my parent's house (where I stayed last year during my breaks), but to the appartment he got a week before my arrival! The appartment allowed us to wake-up next to eachother and truly be together. It was so wonderful to have our own christmas tree, our own space, and the chance to feel truly at home together. Erick gave me a key to the appartment, it's pink and black!

The downside was I left my wallet in denton so I had no money, ID, credit cards or debit cards for six weeks. My parents luckily owed me money and Erick helped me a lot! I had finished most of my christmas shopping before going home so that wasn't too much of an issue. It was wonderful going shopping with Erick, spending entire days together doing anything is magical with him by my side. I think I went to Best Buy more during this break then I had in my life before the break began. We went at least once a week and sometimes more! One of our shopping days (after going to Best Buy, hehe) Erick surprised me and took me to see Bolt in 3-D...it was so cute and I love that Erick is sweet without trying to be, it's just natural to him, I'm so lucky!

Christmas eve with Erick was great, it was a year of first for both of us. It was Erick's first time going carolling, when he went with my family, and it was my first time meeting a lot of Erick's extended family, I met about 50-ish of his relatives on Christmas eve! The day was exuasting! And christmas at my parent's house starts early, we crashed.

Christmas day was great we woke-up super-early and opened the presents we had for eachother under our little tree, got dressed and then it was off to christmas with my parents at 8am! We ate breakfast with my family and then it was off to Erick's parent's for Christmas there. It was awesome spending time with both families but after the last night and then early morning, we decided against the dinner and wanted some peace and quiet!

Being lazy with Erick is so much fun! He'd sleep in later then me but he'd usually get me to lay back with him agaain, it wasn't too hard of a sell, he'd ask me to join him in bed, I'd jump in next to him so we could cuddle. I'm lucky enough to have a man that loves cuddling!! he had the week of Christmas and the week of new year's off, so we had a lot of cuddle time and wonderfully-lazy time! New Year's eve was great, just Erick and I, no parties, no drinking, no clubs, it was intimate and perfect!

For the post-new year stuff that will be another entry, my eyes are hurting and what better place to stop for the night then "perfect!"

There isn't one.