It's been a while

So much has happened since my past glommy post. I was trying was hard to minimise how I was feeling. If a told my self that my depression was only mild and was going away enough then it would be true...somehow. I ended up going to only a couple of therapy sessions and though I didn't connect that the therapist I did learn that my "mild depression" was severe clinical depression. I then started seeing a doctor to help me figure out what needed to change to get me to be me again. That was nearly four months ago and I'm doing so much better!  I don't start yelling and crying when I feel pressure, I don't hide inside all day long, I actually feel happy sometimes now. I now have my license and I got a job that starts next week. I'll be making decent money, save up  get my own car soon.

 I don't feel like my life is stuck in the mud any more and I never want to feel like that again. Last night I found a suicide note I wrote just in case I couldn't go on...that is not okay. I am better then those terrible thoughts I had. My brain was tricking me, telling me that I was no good. I hope that if anyone  reads this and feels like their life is stuck and worthless that you get the help you need. Life is a gift and every life is worthwhile.

I know my life is what I had planned but honestly I don't want what I planned when I was a teenager and I don't want what I had planned a few years ago. I'm learning to actually be happy with the life I do have and I'll see where it takes me.