Diet Diary Day 1.

I began working out again and started a diet today...it hasn't been bad I'm just a little hungry. I've gotten in the habit of eating something (usually sugary) pretty much all the time. I wasn't eating meals just (sugary) snacks all the time. My pants have paid the price, though I still fit in the same size that I have for about seven-ish years, they just don't fit the same and I don't feel healthy. I know I'm not "fat" but I'm not happy with my health level. I started working out and then I'd eat more, it seemed counterproductive. I did some reading to figure out what diet I felt I'd be able to stick too and not starve myself. I'm confident that I can maintain this.

My goal:

- Fit comfortably in my clothes again.

- Loss my belly fat that I've never managed to rid myself of.

- Feel healthy and not lethargic so often.

I'm wanting to tone-up my body so I don't really have a weight loss goal, I know gaining muscle could keep my weight about the same. I'm guessing that I could lose 5 or so pounds while gaining a stronger overall body but I'm not sure. Getting healthy is the main thing.

I'll probably write in here just to keep myself honest about this, it may not be interesting but it's important for me so there.

cleaning out my closest

I've done a lot of cleaning lately and I've found poems/songs I wrote years, correction decades ago. My depression this past year isn't a new thing. I guess I always see the sunnier side of things thus overlooking the darker side completely. I knew I did that with the way I viewed other people but I didn't know I did it to myself too. Well no more!

Finding those songs of mine wishing to disappear from the world and brainstorming ways to die opened my eyes. I'm better than I've ever gave myself credit for. I've unwittingly allowed people other than myself to largely shape my own self-esteem, which makes zero sense. I know who I am, it's getting "me" to translate to the world that I'm stuck on. I really do feel tons better but I'm now wanting to never feel so hopeless again!